Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
