i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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