idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
