im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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