then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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