For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
