Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
