Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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