I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
