I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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