You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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