so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
