His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it glows. i had to have it.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
