can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
