I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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