Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
