I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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