you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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