About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
