i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
