I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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