he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
