I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
