At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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