Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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