I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Someone signed my nipple.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
