the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it's like heaven, but drunker
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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