he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
