Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
