having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
