Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
