five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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