3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
