Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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