I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
