I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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