You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
