is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
