I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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