If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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