god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
