arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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