I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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