she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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