My room smells like vodka and shame
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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