There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
