Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
