Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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