Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
