Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
