when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
