So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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