my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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