True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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