It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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