My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
