u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
