Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
