dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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